I think my face is beginning to have a bad reaction to the clay. And I’ve just had a tooth out, so wont be able to do any more with my mouth.
Seven, and Eight
October 18th, 2012Monologue Six
October 9th, 2012I was worried about this one. At the time I was depressed, and felt completely incapable of doing anything, incapable even of thinking about doing anything (I wish I could articulate this better). But I had planned to make a video, just as I had planned to go in to the studio, and was able to do these things out of habit (I guess). Making it I worried about it seeming silly, and shallow, and one-dimensional. I think you see that frustration right away in the way my hands move. Unlike the others this is a series of actions which, again, is a product of that frustration. I cover myself, a throw clay at myself, then I want to bury myself in it. They all seemed so dumb to me, at the time. And the clay always makes my face look so sad! And here I look like a sulking cartoon baby at times. That clay, though! It was wetter than before, and such a lovely consistency!
It’s not the shallow thing I thought it would be, though. It’s sort of funny, too! And, as the videos are being presented all together, the individual piece is not so important: it’s about what it adds to the whole. And I think this adds depth.
I’m still thinking about the title/s. perhaps I’m leaning more toward something like ‘Ritual #’, or ‘Proposition for a Ritual #’; something referencing those aspects.
Monologues
September 22nd, 2012
This is what I have been working on. I’m still thinking about the title, but at the moment ‘Monologues’ fits well enough. The first four have been filmed performances: of me either covering myself in clay, or stuffing my mouth with it. The fifth is a series of seven sculptures made by the same process of filling my mouth with clay, but then spitting the clay onto a board. The image above is from a version split across two projectors, showing the four videos simultaneously.
The first three have been posted previously, but I wanted to have them all together here.
I’m still working these out. Still considering other actions, still wondering exactly what they are about. The immediate, practical, goal is to make six of each of the performances, and then experiment with how to show them, and how the sculptures fit into that, too. Key words and phrases floating round my head at the moment include: absence, repetition, ritual, touch/tactility, mediation, communication, production, sensual deprivation, recycling, anonymity, reperformance, frustration, substitution, approximation.
Tolstoy, authorship, and communication
August 16th, 2012They talked of the injustice of power, of the sufferings of the unfortunate, of the poverty of the people, but in reality their eyes, gazing at each other through the sounds of their conversation, kept asking: ‘Can you love me?’ and answering ‘I can’, and physical desire, assuming the most unexpected and radiant forms, was drawing them together.
Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy, in Resurrection.
Whenever I talk about why I love Tolstoy this is the passage that comes to mind. Amongst his alien details of rural settings and Russian society he includes such precise, and well articulated, observances of universal, basic, human, personal, and (apparently-not-)inarticulatable truths, I feel like I am in direct, private, contact with him. This direct connection with an author is what moves me in art, and is why art is so important to me. It’s fake, of course; incredibly real, and beautiful.
I’ve noticed recently that I can’t speak about things I find beautiful without struggling to get the words out; without my lips quivering, and my muscles seizing, without my body wanting to give them up. It’s like the experience of things like this becomes perfectly etched into my memory, and recalling them reenacts them physically, and makes them even stronger. I don’t know how much of this reaction is related to the difficulty of the reexperience happening simultaneously with attempting to vocalise, and how much is a reaction to having to share something so private, and personal.
Blimpino
August 3rd, 2012Drawing for painting
July 24th, 2012I’d been excited about painting again, but the painting wasn’t working. I’d forgotten how to look at people properly, and was struggling with working from a relatively unfamiliar sitter. That had been okay in the past, but now I feel like I need to know more about the head in front of me than I can get by just looking. I need to know how it feels, and how heavy it is, and how it moves, and how thick the skin is and—
So, I’ve been making these drawings of myself (they’re ordered chronologically):
Laundrette
June 12th, 2012Girl with Red Fingernail
June 4th, 2012
Painting again. This is from a photograph, of which I’ve made drawings from in the past. I’ve wanted to paint this ever since I saw it, and it’s been a nice warm-up before I start painting portraits again. There’s a little bit more to do, but mostly I’m satisfied.
Five faces
May 31st, 2012
Building four, building six
April 12th, 2012It’s been a while since I’ve made any video, but the atmosphere of both these places struck me last night and compelled me to make some recordings.